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The main impacts that sometimes keep us from finding our own path in life are people, beliefs and fear. Too much advice and interference from others secretly creates a bunch of limiting beliefs on the long run. Fear is a well-known obstacle for reaching goals and dreams.
Do you know the feeling when a friend or family member exactly knows what you should do and what is good for you? Everyone seems to have some wise words of encouragement, and motivational quotes are everywhere. Especially if you have your own opinion about life, then such tips can appear somehow patronizing. I think we all have such experiences and that’s ok. We just have to realize that not all of them are helpful for us. Albeit we admit that the major part of advice is well-intended, it can prevent us from exploring our own path in life. Primarily, in difficult or overwhelming situations we tend to rely on other people’s judgements and opinions. What seems to be comfortable and supporting at the first glance can be problematic for your personal decision-making and personal development on the long run. Even more problematic is the fact that too much advice and interference from others secretly creates a bunch of limiting beliefs on the long run.
2. Limiting Beliefs
I’ve experienced the influence of others in various situations. Other people seem to know what’s good for you or what you should do. Especially if you are insecure, you tend to believe their opinion rather than yours. To be honest, I hate it when someone tells me what’s good for me. I think no person other than me can judge what is the best for me and my life. They can share their experience or preference with you and you can pick what you want, but other people cannot decide what is best for you. At least if you are a grown up person. The border between advice and manipulation is a blurred line.
Mostly, limiting beliefs grow in ourselves without a rational basis but I think these beliefs are grounded in the manipulation of other people. I think those beliefs are connected with anxiety, fear of failure and other unnecessary emotions. There are various techniques to deal with limiting beliefs. I’ll come back to them in an upcoming post. At this state, it’s enough to evaluate them and make you aware.
Fear should not be what holds you back! Easier said than done, I know. You need a lot of bravery and repetitive exercise. As I started my blog I was terrified of showing up in social media and telling people about who I am and that my content is worth reading. What would people think about my website? What if nobody was interested in my blog? And so the carousel of thoughts turned in my head. I really was scared and thought about never publishing my blog.
But then I just did it – grit your teeth and get to it, right?! This strategy works well for me. At first it feels strange but then I feel powerful and happy that I did it. And hopefully, you’re happy with it, too.
What can you do if you feel something is holding you back?
Evaluate your limiting-beliefs. Find out which affirmations restrain you. You can ask yourself questions like: Why am I scared of doing it? What is the worst thing that can happen? Be creative with the form of answering the questions. If you like, you can e.g. write the answers in your journal.
Reframe the beliefs to gain confidence in your own decisions. After you have identified the limiting beliefs, it’s your task to turn them into neutral or positive sentences. The best thing is to add a reason why the sentence is preferable. E.g.: I reframe the limiting belief „I’m not good enough.“ with the sentence „I do my best because I spent enough time on xyz.“
Do your homework – it’s not just mental power but hard work. Get the skills or information you need to decide. This helps you to feel safe and increases your confidence.
Be brave and give it a try. The most important step is gritting your teeth and get to it. That’s the hardest part, at least I think it is for most of us. It’s critical to get stuff into reality, otherwise you just talk and dream about it. But if you want to achieve your goals and dreams you have to take action and manifest the actions in reality. To get started it often helps to go step by step. You can tell people about your plans. Then you can begin with something small to bring your project to real life. For example, I told some friends and family about my plan to start a blog. Then, I launched a website. Nothing big but real actions that motivated me to take the necessary steps.
And here we go – one big step towards my dream! If I can do it, so can you! My hardest step is no. 4. Which one is hardest for you? Leave a comment below!
We can lift ourselves out of ignorance, we can find ourselves as creatures of excellence and intelligence and skill. We can be free! We can learn to fly! (Richard Bach)
Bandler, Richard: Get the Life you want. The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change
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